What is with these people? Taking the word of some little girl without testing her for any false motives – not even checking if she bleeds? Then sending her off with the canine who I swear is the strangest one in this rag tag group of adventurers with unclear motives – I’m surprised the bitch didn’t eat the little brat.
Who cares about some king we’re supposed to go see? (I really don’t, but they seemed to when told by the faery princess – err queen of the elves, to go see her son-in-law. Royalty is so inbred.) Nope, we gotta kill us some gnolls! These Dudley Do-Rights ran off pell-mell to save some pathetic village from the cycle of death.
So we killed some gnolls in a camp, after the villagers had no clue about the girl who sent us to their rescue. Shapeshifter, I thought, but no one listens to the almighty sorceress. Just because you can’t Disintegrate on demand anymore, you lose all respect. They don’t attack us at night, the villagers said. Bullshit, I said. Again, no one listened.
Party party all night long, then you’ll all be murdered by gnolls. I heard a commotion in the room I acquired, and, of course, the village was attacked by the backward footpads. We should have just continued on our way when the girl found us on the road, instead these fools fought in their night shirts – no armor (I don’t need it but they seem to find comfort in their metal and animal hide boxes), low on reserves.
I almost thought I was going to watch them all die. I’d be fine, of course, but that shiny one has some special mission – it’s going to be interesting to watch him try and fail at it. But they didn’t die – that midget dwarf from the wild lands actually went through the window I pointed out, and fought the beast lord – with the wild dog! That one perished in the fight, so what, but the band of rejects survived to lose another day.
There was some congratulations and hullabaloo while I went back to my beauty rest, and then we departed in the morning while the villagers who didn’t deserve to live started to rebuild – confirming once more that the little minx had nothing to do with their village – she didn’t even look like them.
Holy-Freaking-Angel. For real. That girl was a divine one – testing the mettle of the group for inane reasons. And she ascended the creature the elf calls friend – it’s glowy now too. I don’t feel safe alone with it now.
If I was in charge, things would have gone a lot differently, let me tell you. The gnolls were just following orders (from some dead lady), the villagers were too stupid to live, we should have ignored it all and kept traveling towards wherever. Why did I listen to the gold songstress and agree to do this?
Who is it we’re seeing anyway? Oh yeah, a boy with a harp and a sling. Maybe he’ll get along with Sticks and Stones. Probably the holy upstart will fall in love with some girl who will lead her to his doom, or the other way around. More people will say I remind them of such and such, I’ll roll my eyes and ignore them, and we’ll be told what to do next… and the fools will DO IT.
Insufferable idiots. Some day, things will be different. Kill them all, sort out the details from the corpses.
Your Favorite One and Only Sorceress
P.S. Good thing no one else can read this. Shai’lian certainly has its uses.